Trending:
- Woman, 33, says her in-laws have “never really made an effort to get to know me or build any kind of real relationship”
- Now, the woman says her in-laws expect her and her husband to spend $4,000 on a week-long resort vacation to celebrate her father-in-law’s 60th birthday
- The woman, who detailed her experience on Reddit, says she has told her husband he should go without her — but she worries she’s being a jerk
A woman says she doesn’t want to spend a week of her vacation time with her in-laws, but she’s not sure if it’s rude to refuse.
The 33-year-old recently detailed her experience on the popular Reddit forum “Am I the A——?” — a place where Reddit users can go to seek advice on interpersonal issues. In her post, the Redditor shares that she and her husband, also 33, married “a couple years ago” and have been dating since they were 16. However, she adds his family “has never really made an effort to get to know me or build any kind of real relationship” in that time.
The woman goes on to say that her husband’s family didn’t acknowledge her birthday until after they were married and her husband had to “make a point to his mom to get me a Christmas gift” — even though the original poster (OP) says she has been sending gifts and well wishes on special occasions for years.
“Now, his dad is turning 60, which I understand is a big milestone,” she writes, adding, “I’m happy to celebrate with them and attend any kind of party or dinner.”
The issue, she says, is that her husband’s mother is planning a week-long trip at an “all-inclusive resort” — and she expects the OP and her husband to join them for the entire time.
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“I’ve already voiced to my husband that I’m not comfortable with this,” she writes. “Aside from the obvious cost (around $4,000 for both of us), I really don’t want to spend 7 days of my limited vacation time making small talk and pretending to be close with people who’ve never shown real interest in getting to know me. I feel like I’m being asked to fake a relationship that doesn’t exist, and honestly, that feels draining and disrespectful to my own time and emotional energy.”
“It just feels fake,” she adds.
The Reddit user says that her husband “understands” her feelings, but that she can tell he feels “torn” about what to do.
“I told him I support him going if he wants to, but I personally don’t want to go. So… AITA [am I the a——] for not wanting to spend a week on vacation with my in-laws?” she concludes her post.
A number of the OP’s fellow Reddit users said they thought she had no obligation to go on the trip — and assured her she would not be in the wrong to sit this one out.
“NTA [not the a——],” wrote one person. “You are going to pay thousands to be ignored and deal with tension you haven’t done anything to create. For what? A man who barely speaks to you and has no reciprocal relationship with you? Your husband can go alone.”
Someone else said: “NTA. They’ve shut you out at every point and made it clear where you stand. I mean, they’ve had since you were 16-[years-old] to get to know you.”
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The same commenter added: “It’s really kind of sad that your husband doesn’t really have your back on this, but the practical solution is that he deals with his family (gifts, events, everything) and while he’s gone you go spend time with your family.”
Others, however, suggested a potential compromise.
“Why not go for just 3 nights? You don’t have to go the whole week,” said one person.
“I agree that 3 or 4 days at the resort is a good compromise,” added someone else. “And I’ve been on family trips like that—you’re mostly together for meals and maybe an excursion or two. The rest of the time you can do the activities at the resort, with or without them. You’re paying for it so they can’t dictate everything you do 24/7.”
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