Valerie Bertinelli Reflects on ‘Mistakes’ in Relationships: ‘Fumbled the Last True Good Man I Met’

Valerie Bertinelli is reflecting on her past relationships.

In an Instagram post on Feb. 17, the Valerie’s Home Cooking star opened up about what she’s learned from previous partners and herself. She added a disclaimer at the end, citing that her wisdom is informed by “two failed marriages” and that she “fumbled the last true good man I met.”

First, Bertinelli noted that when seeking an apology, you should opt for a softer approach — not giving into anger or frustration that may otherwise feel like an attack, and instead going about the whole thing calmly and with the other person’s perspective in mind.

“When feeling attacked, a natural reaction is to shut down and get defensive and feel overwhelmed about changing behavior that may be a coping mechanism since childhood,” Bertinelli wrote. “They’ll feel judged and feel like they can’t get anything right and they won’t really hear you.”

She added, “If you stop focusing on what they did wrong and instead approach with empathy and understanding, everything can then start to shift.”

Bertinelli recognized that being the bigger person is not easy, especially when you’re hurt or mad. But setting aside those feelings, she said, may pave the way for the apology, amends or closure you “deserve.”

The Food Network alum also stressed that finding new ways to “show up for each other” is a love language, as is being patient as the other grows and learns.

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“I think we all just want to do better and feel awful when we’ve hurt someone we love and shame prevents us from thinking clearly,” she said. “Wouldn’t it be nice to relieve the one you love from shame so they can truly give you the amends you’re looking for?”

The lengthy message comes months after Bertinelli’s November 2024 split from writer Mike Goodnough, and more than two years after her divorce from ex-husband Tom Vitale was finalized. Before that, she was married to the late Eddie Van Halen from 1981 to 2007.

In November, Bertinelli reflected on the personal growth she’s experienced since finalizing her divorce from Vitale. 

“Today marks two years of freedom,” the Indulge author captioned an Instagram post. “Two years of walking through self doubt and doing my best to get to the other side. Two years of knowing that I didn’t deserve to tolerate the intolerable. Two years of working through shame and self loathing. (Still working on that part🥴long tail that😅) Two years of working to find my true self.”

She also gave a special shoutout to Goodnough.

“Two years of eventually dipping my toe in and feeling love again. (Thank you, Mike ♥️),” Bertinelli wrote. “Two years of confronting past demons and traumas and doing my best to work through them.”