Warning: this story contains spoilers from episodes 1-8 of The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On season 3.
Dave Adams is finally shedding light on his early departure from season 3 of The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On.
Dave, 34, and his girlfriend Vanessa Hattaway came onto the show together after Vanessa, 30, issued him an ultimatum. But after selecting their trial marriage partners during The Choice and moving in together, Dave and Vanessa ended up leaving the show early in episode 4, alongside fellow couple Micah Hardeman and Chanel Watkins.
Producers revealed that the group “secretly met off camera” earlier that day but “that evening, surveillance cameras captured them packing.” The screen then read, “Dave, Vanessa, Micah and Chanel quickly departed, abruptly ending their experience.”
Their early exit left two individuals alone in the trial marriages: Nick Tramontin, who had been paired with Vanessa, and Mariah Zernik, who was paired with Micah. (Dave had been in a trial marriage with Chanel.)
Dave is now breaking his silence on their departure in an exclusive interview with PEOPLE and explaining why he and Vanessa made the decision to walk away, plus what role her trial marriage partner Nick allegedly played in the situation.
PEOPLE: Coming into the show, what were your expectations about how the process would impact your relationship?
Dave Adams: I think we both went in with the idea of working on whatever we have going on that’s not doing the right things for our relationship … and how can we become better partners for each other when we come out of this? Neither one of us went into it as we’re going to go explore other relationships. It was always about how can we be a better partner to our original person that we came here with.
Was leaving early part of your expectations?
DA: No, that was not part of the plan.
Take me through your and Vanessa’s decision to leave. What really happened that night?
DA: We had communication with both our trial marriage partners and production. I mean, me and Chanel were trial partnered together, so we obviously had communication about it. And Vanessa and Nick had communication about her departure.
The events leading up to that evening, we were at The Choice way later than expected and immediately got tossed into filming directly after. That was literally in the middle of the night at 2 or 3 in the morning, so we were very tired. I think a lot of us had work the next day, and at that point, it just became almost unruly for us to continue being on the show. We were going to end up dysfunctionally working. It just wasn’t going to work anymore with our careers, which go way beyond the show.
I was ready to go probably a few days before The Choice and before we moved in with our new person. Vanessa was still getting a lot of productive things out of exploring and dating and learning about people. But when we moved into our new places with our new people, I heard from Vanessa that she was in a really difficult situation with Nick, and very quickly I was brought up to speed by her about what was going on, and that was just one of the straws that broke the camel’s back.
There were many things that we each had going on independently, why we both wanted to leave, but when I heard about that, it just became like, “This is actually really emotionally, mentally, and potentially physically dangerous. We really need to make a decision here.” So we weighed the pros and the cons of staying and talked about everything that we had learned from the experience so far about our relationship, about others’ relationships, and just decided that it was the best time for us to exit.
Can you explain what you mean by a “dangerous” situation? Why were you both so concerned?
DA: I will say that there was a lot of untruths that Nick provided to get on the show through psych evaluations that he just wasn’t truthful about. Vanessa found out a lot of information upon day one of moving in together, and that just immediately threw up more than a red flag, it was like a red flag on fire that we really needed to think about what’s the best thing for our safety.
And then the other thing was that I had heard from Vanessa that Nick was sort of baiting and switching her into moving in with him as a trial partner. They had shared this connection about both being homeschooled [for years], which she was very excited about. But she later found out he was only homeschooled for three months, so not really the same thing. It was highly exaggerated to form a connection and then kind of capture Vanessa’s emotions and be like, “Don’t you want to live with me? We have all these connections. We’re the same person.” No, you’re really not. So there’s just a lot of manipulation.
[Editor’s note: In a statement to PEOPLE, Nick said of the claims: I’m surprised to hear this is Vanessa’s perspective, as we left on good terms. She continued texting me throughout the rest of my time filming, and before the reunion, I even asked if she was coming because I thought it might help clear the air. At that point, I had no reason to believe there was any unresolved tension between us. I went into the reunion optimistic about sharing our experiences. I thought we were on good terms and that discussing our time on the show would help shed light on how challenging the experience was for both of us. I was blindsided by the negativity and disdain directed toward me.
Looking back, it’s clear that I was at the end of my relationship with Sandy, while she was in the middle of hers with Dave. I consistently supported her decision to prioritize her relationship with Dave over staying on the show. I acknowledged and apologized numerous times if my being upset made her uncomfortable. She accepted my apology and made it clear that I wasn’t the sole reason she left the show. I genuinely wish them the best and hope they find happiness and kindness. I also hope they’ll choose compassion over attacking the character of someone they only spent two intense, emotional days with.]
Your decision to leave didn’t just impact you — it also had a domino effect on the other couples. Did you also discuss leaving with Chanel and Micah before taking action?
DA: I didn’t get to talk to Micah a whole lot because I didn’t obviously live with him for any period of time, but he definitely expressed some dissatisfaction with the process and the experience and the way things were going. So I could totally see that he wanted to leave on his own accord, independently thinking that. And then, Chanel too, they both had their own independent reasons why they’d want to go, similar to me and Vanessa.
It wasn’t like a domino effect. But when we move out of the dating week and we move into trial partnership, you do get your devices back… So everybody’s communicating one way or another. And I think that was very important, because in my situation, there was an aspect of safety, and in Chanel and Micah’s situation, they had other things going on. So it wasn’t like, “Dave wants to leave, that makes Vanessa want to leave,” it wasn’t like that sort of waterfall effect.
In the end, I highly recommend everyone puts their own mental, physical and emotional safety first, and their health first. And it wasn’t that we were not thinking about the show and what would happen to everything else, but … at a certain point, you’re like, “This is best for us. We have to make this decision for us.” That was the ultimate reason for the decision.
[Editor’s note: Ultimatum creator Chris Coelen has previously told PEOPLE that production takes cast members’ safety seriously and would intervene “immediately” if anyone felt “unsafe in any way.” In a Dec. 5 interview, Coelen added of the show: “We are not filming 24/7. We always have a line to them, but they are living their lives. And in this particular program, we do have mounted cameras but we’re not obviously in their apartment with them or at their door 24/7. And so we are, every single day, very conscious of making sure that we are connected to them or checking in with them. We’re apprised to everything that’s going on with them to the extent that they tell us. I think people are aware enough of that, that if they ever feel like they need something, that they know to reach out to us.”]
What is the biggest thing you’ve learned from your time on the show?
DA: I think it’s about seeing the good in people, and everybody, including yourself and myself, have things that we wish we did better. There’s different levels to it. Some things we do poorly on a habitual level. Some things we do poorly once and then it goes away. But everybody does things that their partner doesn’t like. There’s also so many more things that your partner does that you love in them. So I think it’s a matter of focusing on those good things, because they’re so much more important for the future. Everybody’s got problems, but it’s a matter of what really matters, and what really matters is seeing all the good in somebody’s heart.
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Episodes 1-8 of The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On season 3 are streaming on Netflix now and the season 3 finale and reunion drop Wednesday, Dec. 18.
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