Silver splitters: The real reasons couples are choosing ‘grey divorce’ after 50

Although it was traditionally believed that long-term marriages were more stable, the current reality shows that many couples at this stage of midlife decide to go their separate ways. 

In fact, ‘grey divorce’ – when a couple over the age of 50 decide to split after decades together – is a growing phenomenon. But why?

“The term grey divorce has begun to appear relatively recently because there are more and more cases of people aged 50 or over who have been in a relationship for many years, and yet, despite all those shared experiences, they still decide to split up,” explains relationship expert Sebastian Girona.

Not just the ’empty nest’: Common triggers for later-life separation

There are several reasons that might lead a couple to divorce after seemingly spending half a lifetime together. “One fundamental reason is empty nest syndrome,” says Girona.

“When the children grow up and leave home, the couple faces the challenge of reconnecting with each other. And sometimes that ‘reunion’ – after having raised the children together – ends up being more like a confrontation.”

Many couples discover that raising children was their main bond. When that connection disappears, the emotional distance between them becomes more obvious. “These breakups happen because the couple stopped nurturing their own bond,” he explains. “They lost sight of the ‘us’ [outside of parenthood].”

Infidelity is another common thread among “Silver Splitters.” As the expert notes, we often find ourselves nostalgically gravitating back toward past loves as we get older. 

“The passing of time means coming face-to-face with the idea of our own mortality, which can, in some cases, trigger a deep need to feel alive,” he says. 

“In many cases, [an affair] actually represents a search for adrenaline, a spark of rebellion, or a desperate way to reclaim a sense of vitality.”

Gender differences in divorce: Exploring motivations after 50

There is no exact data on the rates of “grey divorce”, but Girona says there are some differences in motivations between men and women.

“Sometimes a man may initiate a separation after many years of marriage or a relationship in order to pursue a younger partner. This often implicitly involves his internal struggle against the passing of time,” comments Girona.

And what about women? “Many women choose to separate after years of marriage because they don’t want a future simply being their partner’s caretaker,” he notes.

How financial autonomy empowers women to choose separation

One of the most significant social changes in recent decades is the financial independence of women. 

“Economic dependence creates a necessity to stay with the bread-winning partner no matter what. If the financial issue is resolved – if money is not a necessity – then we move into the realm of what you want,” explains Girona. 

“This financial independence gives women the agency to decide more freely whether to continue in the marriage or not.”

Increased life expectancy and the pursuit of fulfilment 

Another factor that encourages both men and women to take this step is increased life expectancy. “People aged 50 or over today are much more vital than they were 30 or 40 years ago. These days they want to live out the rest of their lives with the greatest possible happiness and fulfilment,” explains Girona. 

So, when a marriage has become unhappy, the possibility of starting a new, unattached stage in midlife becomes an attractive option.

Navigating the psychological impact of divorcing after decades together

Divorce at any age is difficult, but in later life, it can be particularly complicated. “Being older means you’ve started to have a different relationship with the passage of time. Being over 50 really brings us face-to-face with life – especially if our parents have passed away.”

In addition to grieving the end of the relationship, the divorced person also has to learn how to face the future alone, which can be an overwhelming experience.

Expert advice: What to consider before ending a long-term marriage

Deciding to divorce after 50 is never easy. Above all, Girona advises ensuring you have total clarity. “Ending a long-term relationship requires deep conviction, but that shouldn’t mean staying purely out of fear of the future,” he notes.

Another vital step is preparing for the family and social fallout. “It’s important to think about how you’ll communicate the news and handle the reactions. Ultimately, though, the person making the decision has to prioritise their own well-being,” the expert assures.

Finally, Girona emphasises that no one understands a marriage like the two people inside it. “If someone chooses to leave after decades together, the problems usually aren’t new; they are likely unresolved issues that have been brushed under the carpet for years,” he concludes.