Brynn Whitfield revealed she became “asexual for months” after being sexually assaulted at 34 years old by someone who was “courting” her.
“It wasn’t in my brain that that happened to 30-year-old woman living in Manhattan,” she recalled to People about the shock of the harrowing situation in an interview published Tuesday.
In addition to becoming asexual following the assault, the “Real Housewives of New York City” star, 37, told People she felt “numb” and like she couldn’t wash the disgust away.
“You just go home, and you just shower, and you just want to pretend like it didn’t happen,” she tearfully explained.
“I think my water bill probably that month was like $10,000 … and just there’s not enough soap in the world [to get clean]… You try not to put chlorine in your luxurious bathtub.”
Whitfield said she became a “shell” of herself after not telling anyone about the assault for months and isolating herself from her loved ones.
“I was hyper-efficient at work, but I didn’t smile, I didn’t laugh, I didn’t bat an eyelash. I didn’t do anything. I blamed myself,” she remembered.
“I was like, ‘How am I 34-years-old and dealing with this now?’ If you told me I had a chronic illness or something, I would’ve believed that. I just didn’t believe that it happened and it was hard.”
She began her healing process by slowly informing those closest to her about what she went through and seeking therapy.
Whitfield said that although the entire experience was painful, she feels it has opened her up in a way she never had been before.
She did not identify her assailant but said he is a high figure in the New York City social scene who she still sees at parties from time to time.
“I put on a brave face and I refuse to cause a scene. I don’t like loudness,” she noted. “I don’t like screaming or yelling because of my childhood.”
“I pick up the check and I sign. That’s what I do. That’s that.”
The Bravolebity — who recently opened up to Page Six about her fashion struggles — noted that she feels comfortable enough to verbalize her difficult past to encourage others who may be going through or have gone through something similar.
“If I can help one person feel something, feel how I felt, if I can help one person feel better, then I’ll tattoo it on me. Then it’s worth it, a billion percent,” she said.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues in this story, call the Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-330-0226.
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