Nick Cannon is getting candid about his insecurities while married to Mariah Carey.
The former couple — who share twins Moroccan and Monroe, 13 — were married from 2008 until they finalized their divorce in 2016 (though they separated in 2014), and according to Cannon, 44, he struggled to live in the shadow of Carey’s superstar fame.
“I didn’t actually really care what the world thought,” Cannon said of public perception of his marriage at the time during a recent appearance on the “Ray Daniels Presents” podcast. “But going to myself, that pressure of, ‘Who am I?’ I got married in my 20s to the biggest star in the world.”
Cannon continued, “My trajectory was [down] here and she’s already in a different stratosphere. I would lay up at night thinking, ‘Is this who I am? Am I Mariah’s man? Is that what my life is supposed to be?’”
The Wild ‘n Out host said that he questioned whether he was really fulfilling his personal ambitions at the time, though he admitted that he “got really comfortable” with the lifestyle his marriage afforded him.
“She got islands and I was waking up at noon and people bringing me steaks on a platter. But I’m like, ‘This ain’t the hustle,’” Cannon explained. “And then when you have children … your manship is like, ‘Wait, I’m carrying a purse, the diaper bag, I’m standing on the corner.’ She’s rocking being all the alpha that she is.”
Cannon said that he believes Carey, 55, “needs a dude like that” but noted “I’m just not that dude.”
The father of 12 said that he tried to be the supportive husband and father that he thought Carey needed at the time, but he felt he was a “participant” in her world. “I’m main character,” he shared. “I was getting mad at myself. It was like muscle atrophy. I had a gut. It was like, ‘I’m not being the dude God put me on this earth to be.’”
Cannon continued, “The love kept me there. I was like, ‘You need a support system. You need somebody that don’t want you for your money, that’s sincere, somebody that’s willing to build a family and raise some amazing kids together.’ That was my goal. But then there was something constantly in me.”
Though their marriage didn’t work out, the two stars remain amicable post-divorce.
″Honestly, I think Nick and I could have worked it out between the two of us, but egos and emotions got inflamed (which can translate into many billable lawyer hours, and ultimately it did),” Carey wrote in her 2020 memoir, The Meaning of Mariah Carey. “It was tough. We both wanted to make sure everything was cool for our family. We will always be family, and we make it work.”
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