A man is putting his foot down about exchanging “expensive” gifts this holiday season — and it’s causing major family drama.
The man explained on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum on Friday, Dec. 6, that this is the second year his older brother, Liam, organized a “crazy” Secret Santa gift exchange for a group of about 20 family members.
The Redditor shared there was “no budget” last year.
“Everyone was required to submit a wishlist. Deviations not allowed. Some people went wild with requests — trips to Bali, designer bags, etc.,” he wrote. “My recipient, Eliza, had one of those lists, and I could only afford a $60 gift card. Didn’t go over well. The fallout? Eliza wasn’t happy.”
“Other luxury-listers weren’t happy, and the whole thing turned into chaos because some lists were followed, some weren’t,” he continued.
This year, the Redditor said his brother added a new rule to the exchange in an attempt to improve the system: Everyone would still make a wishlist, but participants would be paired with “matching budgets” — as in “luxury givers with luxury listers.”
“The catch? If the random draw doesn’t line up perfectly, we’d have to re-roll names or manually swap within the group,” he added.
The man said he “put his foot down” about the “absurd rules,” telling his brother the system was complicated and suggesting they return to a more traditional Secret Santa without wishlists and with a budget cap that would create room for more thoughtful gift-giving.
He also admitted that he eventually accused his brother of “just trying to hoard gifts” instead of creating a fun, heartfelt family experience.
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“Liam exploded,” the Reddit user said. “He called me emotional, a Scrooge, and a Grinch. He even said I was trying to control everyone. I was honestly shocked. To make it worse, some family members (not coincidentally, the luxury-listers) texted me afterward to say I was out of line for asking Liam to explain himself.”
“At that point, I was done,” he continued. “I told everyone that if they can’t see how unreasonable it is to alienate family members who can’t afford these over-the-top lists and Beats Headphones, I don’t want to be involved in any capacity.”
He concluded the post by asking his fellow Redditors if he’s “the a——?” The post — which has already received more than 2,000 comments as of Dec. 7 — generated much discussion among Reddit users, with the vast majority of commenters coming to the man’s defense.
“[Not the a——]” one commenter wrote. “Half of your family sounds extremely entitled and this is the opposite of the Christmas spirit.”
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“This is like weird extortion,” another user wrote. “If you are so particular about gifts and you want expensive things, buy them your own damn self. NTA. This is a great way to make Christmas toxic.”
Another person noted that the man’s family is losing out — even if they’re technically getting expensive gifts.
“It’s totally reasonable to want a Secret Santa that’s affordable and thoughtful — just because you’re not dropping a grand on a gift doesn’t mean you don’t care,” the Reddit user wrote. “The fact that your family can’t understand that or even have a real conversation about it is wild. Honestly, it’s their loss, because giving meaningful, personal gifts is way better than just picking something off an ‘I want an iPhone’ list.”
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