A man is worried that he was “ungrateful” after turning down a gift from his girlfriend — but he had already told her that he didn’t want it
On Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum, a 20-year-old man asked if he was in the wrong after upsetting his girlfriend.
He explained that they’ve been dating for a year and a half and that she “loves giving gifts,” which he usually is grateful for. Her presents range from something as small as a protein drink after the gym to clothes.
The OP (original poster) added that sometimes he will tell his partner that he doesn’t want a present if she asks. However, his girlfriend was angry after he turned down some snacks that she bought after he specifically said he didn’t need them.
He explained that he wasn’t very hungry since he’d been a little sick. Also, he had already gotten ready for bed by brushing his teeth and applying skincare and didn’t want to repeat routine.
Despite him saying he didn’t want anything, his girlfriend still bought him fruit and some scallion pancakes.
“I thanked her but asked her why she would buy this after I specifically told her not to, and she told me to just brush my teeth again or use mouthwash etc,” he said. “After that she got upset with me and I half-heartedly apologized because maybe my tone sounded ungrateful(?).”
The OP added some additional context, explaining that he wasn’t able to keep the food until he was hungry because they didn’t have a refrigerator. Also, there were concerns about cockroaches if he left everything out overnight.
Her response left him wondering if he was in the wrong.
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Many commenters agreed that he was NTA [not the a——], saying that he was “unequivocal & clear” about not wanting the food.
“It’s not ok for her to go against that & then get upset when she tried to force something on you that you already said no to,” one commenter wrote.
Another commented, “No means no.”
“She did what you asked her NOT to do. Don’t apologize for ‘appearing ungrateful.’ And don’t ‘thank her for thinking of you’ when she obviously was NOT thinking of you,” they wrote.
The commenter continued, writing, “In future, if she asks and you say no, but you suspect she may not believe you, then you say “Seriously, I do not want that.” And if she says you sound ungrateful, you say ‘that is because I am NOT grateful. Why should I be grateful for something I TOLD you I did not want?’ ”
Although people seemed to agree with his decision, one commenter pointed out that some cultures have different approaches to gift giving.
“No judgment here but it is worth having some conversations about the motivations here,” they wrote.
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