Justin Baldoni is getting candid about the impact of his recent ADHD diagnosis.
On the Dec. 4 episode of Elizabeth Day’s How to Fail podcast, the It Ends With Us director-actor, 40, reflected on the emotions he felt learning he had attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, decades after struggling through school.
“I was diagnosed officially at 40, which means this year, I turned 40 early in January,” Baldoni shared. “This is after probably four years of my therapist telling me it might be a good idea to go and get an actual diagnosis, pushing me in that direction because a common theme in my therapy sessions was this feeling of just not being enough.”
He continued, “… What I realized is that I’ve lived the majority of my life feeling like I had a deficit, that I was behind, that I wasn’t like everybody else.”
The Jane the Virgin star went on to explain that there had been hints of the diagnosis when he was younger, as he had been previously told that he “was out of control,” “didn’t pay attention” and was “disruptive.” He also recalled having “parent-teacher conferences being suspended.”
“I don’t really have any positive memories of school,” Baldoni said. “Reading was always very tough.”
“I remember at a very young age, having to reread and reread and reread pages over again, because I would read and then I would forget what I read, and that continued over the course of my life,” he continued. “There were subjects that I excelled in because I was very interested in them.”
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
He said this ultimately led him to feel “stupid” and he had no one to “talk to about it” to at the time, even his parents, whom he suspected through conversations also “have it diagnosed.” However, he said that his parents “didn’t want” him to feel like he “had a disability” and so they decided not to get him “tested” or medicated at a “young age” — a decision he agreed with.
“Not wanting me to be doped up on something and ADHD back then wasn’t really understood,” the actor explained. “It was a deficit. You were broken and I think they didn’t want to raise me feeling broken and ironically, because nobody was there to talk to me about it, nobody held space for me. I felt broken.”
But Baldoni said things have shifted in his mindset since receiving his ADHD and neurodivergent diagnosis. He gives himself much more “compassion” now, especially when looking back at his childhood.
“[The diagnosis] gave me so much compassion for myself and I am able to hold that little boy who had nobody, who felt like he was the odd one out that he couldn’t learn the way everyone else could,” he said. “That he couldn’t function, that he couldn’t regulate his emotions, that he couldn’t sit still.”
“I’m able to hold him and let him know that it wasn’t his fault and I get to remind him that all that the way that your brain works, all of those things that you hate about yourself are going to be the things that allow you to be successful one day, that allow you to flourish and succeed,” Baldoni added.
Read the full article here
