Feeling stressed? A happiness expert cracks the simple code to long-lasting joy and ‘inner peace’

You’re bound to hear plenty of talk about happiness this week. Every 20th of March marks the International Day of Happiness – an emotion we all strive for, in one way or another. Yet, looking at the data, there’s a clear disconnect: more and more people are struggling with depression, chronic stress and anxiety, all of which are fundamentally at odds with our idea of what it means to be happy.

We spoke to Borja Vilaseca, author, happiness expert and a leading figure in the field of self-knowledge, about today’s obsession with the idea of chasing happiness at any price.

“There is a real paradox at play today,” he says. “We see widespread unhappiness everywhere – manifesting as anxiety, stress, depression and a sense of existential emptiness – and yet, there has never been such a frantic obsession with finding happiness…

“Essentially, we want it right now. This has turned the pursuit into a dopamine addiction; a hunt for instant gratification that provides a bit of short-term pleasure but doesn’t actually satisfy or fulfil us. That isn’t true happiness. Ironically, the more obsessively we chase it, the unhappier we become.”

Can the constant search for happiness actually bring us the opposite?

“Absolutely. It is counterproductive because we aren’t going to find happiness outside of ourselves. Instead, it’s the result of deep personal work – looking after our bodies, our minds, our spirits and our nervous systems.”

Some argue that humans simply aren’t “wired” to be happy all the time. What’s your take on that?

“We have to start from the premise that the human brain isn’t evolved for happiness; it’s evolved for survival. Most people have a very skewed idea of what happiness actually is – they think it means everything must go their way, or that they should be in a permanent state of euphoria.

In reality, happiness begins with the absence of suffering. It’s a state of inner satisfaction that occurs when your body and mind – your whole being – are in harmony. You feel a sense of well-being and inner peace that isn’t tied to external events. In that sense, it’s a very natural state that can actually be sustained over time.

“That said, the notion that we should feel completely satisfied every second of the day is, frankly, a bit of a pipe dream. Life involves emotional shifts and fleeting moments. However, we are certainly capable of experiencing much higher levels of well-being than we do today. To get there, we need both emotional and spiritual education.”

It feels like a bit of a paradox, that we claim to be happy, yet we are a society that is increasingly medicated for mental health issues.

“The fundamental problem is that our culture promotes relief rather than a cure. Genuine happiness is often painful at first because it requires you to dive into your own existential void – embracing the pain, confronting your ‘shadows,’ healing childhood wounds, and questioning your limiting beliefs.

“All of that is incredibly uncomfortable to begin with. That’s why, when life gets heavy and people start to struggle, they reach for anti-anxiety meds and antidepressants… But these things don’t cure the root cause; they simply provide temporary relief… 

“If you are willing to do the deep work and commit to self-discovery, it will be painful in the short term to confront and heal yourself. However, in the medium to long term, you can experience the true happiness I’m talking about. The reality is that most people prefer to stay comfortable; they aren’t willing to pay the price that true happiness demands.”

Can you learn to be happy, or are some people just born that way?

“You can definitely learn to be happy, simply because you can learn to understand yourself and what you truly need. Of course, everyone is unique. Some people certainly have a greater genetic predisposition towards it and might find it easier than others, but we all share the same basic human experience.

“My point is this: if you look after your body with proper nutrition, exercise and rest, it naturally finds a sense of balance. If you meditate, observe your thoughts, and challenge them, your mind finds that same balance. By nurturing an inner, spiritual life and practising deep relaxation, you become more connected to your spirit. All of this directly affects the regulation of your nervous system, which in turn helps you feel better within yourself.”

How do our expectations impact our happiness?

“Expectations have a massive impact… People constantly comparing themselves to others – obsessing over what someone else has or building up these rigid ideas of what their own life, or their partner, should look like. We end up creating this fictional narrative in our heads of exactly what we think we need to be happy.

“Ironically, these expectations are exactly what cause so much unhappiness and suffering. Happiness is actually about accepting reality as it is – being at peace with the present, letting go of resistance and being genuinely grateful for what you already have. As humans, we have a habit of wanting what we don’t have and waiting for things that haven’t happened yet. It’s a guaranteed way to make yourself miserable.”

There is even talk of “toxic positivity” these days. What’s your take on that concept?

“The problem is that we’ve settled for ‘happiness substitutes.’ These are often just quick fixes that provide a jolt of pleasure, comfort or euphoria, or perhaps just a temporary escape from discomfort. That’s ‘pseudo-happiness,’ and I suspect that’s what the concept of toxic positivity is getting at.

“If something isn’t true happiness, it can never satisfy your deepest needs… Look at social media: it gives you a quick dopamine spike, but you soon become addicted and feel increasingly disconnected. Ultimately, it causes a lot of dysfunction.”

How can we identify and overcome the hurdles that stop us from being happy?

“The obstacles to happiness are simply the things that pull you away from it – anything that moves you closer to suffering. In my view, the biggest hurdle is the ego… We start to believe we are just a self-contained ‘I’ with legs, separate from the rest of reality, burdened by endless desires, needs and expectations. It becomes ‘me, me, me’ all day long.

“That is the primary barrier. We’re becoming increasingly self-centred, and I believe that is exactly what distances us from true happiness. To fix this, we need humility, honesty and courage. We have to pay attention whenever things go wrong or when there’s conflict in our lives. Instead of slipping into a victim mentality, we need to stop and reflect. We should ask ourselves: ‘Where am I going wrong? What can I learn from this? How can I grow and mature spiritually?'”

What is your single most important piece of advice for someone who feels trapped in a rut and wants to be happier?

“The wisest advice I can give is simply this: know yourself. Invest in your own self-knowledge, as well as your emotional and spiritual education… If you start putting in the work now – and perhaps seek support through psychotherapy – your emotional life could be completely transformed a year from now.”

About the expert:

Spain-based Borja Vilaseca is a writer, social entrepreneur, educational activist and “catalyst for conscious change”. He is author of several Spanish-language books, including Ser Feliz Es Fácil (Being Happy is Easy).