Big Family, Big City Star Recalls Feeling ‘Brainwashed’ by Conservative Church but Still Has Strict Dating Rules Now: ‘No Kissing’

The de la Mottes have moved on from their conservative church — but some of their traditional values remain.

On the new TLC special Big Family, Big City, the family of the 13 reflected on being part of the Independent Fundamental Baptist Church for 15 years, which matriarch Amber described as “old-fashion” and “untouched by worldly influences.”

Her husband Marc recalled the church having “a lot of rules,” and Amber pointed out: “Women were supposed to be quiet and subservient in every way.”

The rules included women wearing skirts below their knees and no rock music. Their son Elijah even noted, “There was nothing with a beat. Beats were evil…I didn’t even know about The Beatles until like recently.”

Amber admitted she felt like they were “brainwashed members of a cult,” adding, “It took a long time for us to figure that out.” 

“It’s kind of like the frog in the kettle,” Marc explained. “You know, you don’t realize the water is getting hot until you’re boiling.” 

With their move to New York, the family was “trying to find their own way” and start fresh, having “new experiences within reason.” However, they hadn’t forgotten traditional values when it comes to dating.

After the couple’s oldest daughter Pearl nervously revealed that she was in a relationship with her first boyfriend Adam — who she had yet to kiss — to her parents, Amber explained, “We don’t approve of just dating just for the sake of dating because it’s fun. We believe in dating with a goal in mind, and that goal is marriage.”

The pair later laid out their rules for dating, which Marc called “pretty simple.” The couple then listed off the rules including: “Don’t text too much. No spending a lot of time together alone. No kissing.”

“We’re trying to help them not have sex before they get married,” Amber noted.

Mark admitted in a confessional, “There’s no such thing as casual dating to us. It’s serious. Either you’re interested in marriage or you’re not dating.” 

The pair wasted no time asking about Adam’s intentions with their daughter during their first meeting. “We don’t believe in just dating just for the fun of it, you know? We believe in dating for the idea of potentially marriage,” Amber said. “Is that what you believe, too?”

“Yes. Definitely,” he responded. “My parents have often told my siblings the same thing. Dating was for the purpose of marriage and sort of as God intended it.”

The couple was impressed by his response. “I may have come on a little strong meeting him for the first time, but he did really well. I think I definitely embarrassed Pearl,” Amber said, and Marc added, “To be honest, I just wanted to grill him, but everything I said to him was like, ‘Wait a minute, did you rehearse that?'”

“He answers all of the questions correctly,” Amber chimed in. “Hoping he’s not too good to be true.”

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Big Family, Big City aired on TLC and can be streamed on discovery+.