Benjamin “Coach” Wade thought he was done with reality TV for good until Survivor 50 came calling.
“When they first called me, I thought, ‘Should I go?’ I’m a very spiritual person, so of course, I prayed about it, and I didn’t feel convinced I should go,” Coach, 54, exclusively told Us Weekly ahead of the Survivor 50 premiere on Wednesday, February 25. “And in the back of my mind, and I was very clear with the powers [that] be, I’m not going to say yes to [season 50.]”
Coach added that he was “officially retired” from Survivor and was “hiding out in Northern California.” However, after mulling over the offer, Coach started to have a change of heart.
“Regret is probably one of the strongest emotions that we have. [It] sits around the corner of our mind after the fact and whispers little lies of what we should have done or what we could have done,” he explained. “So I started thinking about that regret. Would I eventually regret not saying yes?”
Since Coach’s last appearance on Survivor: South Pacific in 2011, the musician has grown a lot. He tied the knot with wife Jessica Newton in December 2011, and the couple have welcomed three children.
“I’m in a great spot in my life. I’m very content. I’m not that ego-driven person that you saw on the screen the last few times,” he reflected. “I feel grounded, and I want to share that with the world. The world can be, sometimes, a dark place, and I want to share those fundamental truths that I feel, that I’ve learned over the last decade and a half.”
Coach added that becoming a “family man” led him to become the best version of himself.
“I feel like I was grounded in who I was as an individual. But I was grounding myself, in myself I was grounding me and me, instead of, ‘Hey, let me be a servant, let me have a family.’ And it really shifted my perspective with life.”
After getting the call for Survivor 50, he “shifted” again and ultimately said yes. Coach added that his return to reality TV was not just for himself — but for his family.
“There’s a lot of sacrifice for everybody to be out here, but I feel at 54, you know, my sacrifices are really difficult for me to be out here, away from my family,” he told Us. “I can’t get this time back, and it’s something that gnaws on me every day.”
Coach shared that fans should not expect to see the same “polarizing” character they’ve seen in past seasons as he is bringing his new self into season 50.
“I look at the mistakes I’ve made in the past, my lack of fluidity, when I became very rigid, making promises that I couldn’t keep standing on at times, a false sense of honor and integrity, not admitting to just having to manipulate or lie to people occasionally,” he reflected. “I’m not going to throw that out the window, but I think in the right clothing, the way that I’ve played in the past, as long as I stay fluid and, you know, align with people that people wouldn’t expect me to align with and to continue to evolve throughout the game. I think I’ve got a good chance to make it deep.”
Survivor 50: In the Hands of the Fans’ three-hour premiere airs on CBS with a Wednesday, February 25, at 8 p.m. ET. The series will then return to its normal 90-minute format beginning March 4.
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