Are office romances always a bad idea? The dos and don’ts – and pitfall to avoid at all costs

If there is one golden rule of dating, looking for a romantic partner at the office has to be one of the biggest universal “don’ts” cited in modern times. A cautionary tale as old as time, we’ve all been warned not to mix business with pleasure, as the fallout is often not worth the relationship in the first place – and will leave you with a rather awkward mess to clean up during your 9-5. 

However, as times change, people become busier, and work starts to consume all of our time, where else are we supposed to meet our matches in real life? Unless you leave fate up to the swipe of a photo online, the in-person locations to interact with potential suitors are rapidly reducing as we chase career goals.

With that in mind, is it really so bad to bump into a potential partner in the office canteen or strike up a conversation with a co-worker at the printer that could end up being more than just a friendly chat? 

We enlisted the help of celebrity dating coach and expert, James Preece, who specialises in helping single professionals find meaningful connections, to weigh in on the pros and cons of meeting your partner at work. 

A change of narrative in a work-obsessed generation

Stereotypically, relationships found at work can be painted as problematic due to the idea that they cross boundaries and mix two worlds, personal and professional, that are intended to be kept far apart. 

James explained the issues that could arise in the context of finding love in a professional setting. He said: “Workplace romances can cause several problems. The first is that it can cause boundaries to blur, both as a couple and also with colleagues. The second, and often bigger issue, is that you run the risk of it all going wrong. If there is a bad breakup, you still have to work together.” 

But there is a shift happening that the expert is noticing. James revealed: “Having said that, I believe perceptions are changing, and that meeting a potential partner at work is happening more. 

“You’ve automatically got something in common, and there are instant talking points. It’s easier to bond as you’ll be relaxed and you’ll spend so much time in each other’s company. This can cause attraction to build as you are forced to give people a chance.”

Is it unprofessional to meet your partner at work?

As we all strive to be respected in our places of work, would turning a professional relationship romantic hinder our efforts and overshadow our daily inputs? James doesn’t think so, once extra care and caution are exercised. 

He noted: “Meeting at work was originally one of the most common ways couples met back before social media and dating apps were a thing. Once the internet took over, that became a quicker way as rejection wasn’t so personal.

“From what I’m seeing with my clients nowadays, as long as people handle the situation maturely then it’s not seen as unprofessional anymore. If there are different power dynamics where one person is more senior than another, then colleagues are going to gossip…especially if they try to hide it. It can only work out if there is full transparency, honesty, and respect.”

How to set boundaries 

If you are about to embark on a romantic journey with someone at work, the most important thing to establish early on is a boundary system both partners are happy with and will abide by. Leaving the office at work and saving the gushy moments for home time are key ingredients in making a relationship with a colleague simple and stress-free. 

“It’s not mixing business with pleasure that’s the issue, it’s mixing work with poor boundaries,” James highlighted. He continued: “You have to set them right from the beginning. That means no public displays of affection, jealousy, favouritism or private chats in secret corners.”

The expert added how people can establish those lines that they do not cross, from the get-go: “I’d also suggest that you try to keep work out of the rest of your relationship. If you are together during work time, you’ll both need time to switch off when you aren’t there. Spend time with your own friends and doing hobbies away from your partner as you need a break in order to appreciate each other.

“I always advise my dating coaching clients to think of the long term. Discuss now what you might do if the relationship doesn’t work out. It’s better to have a plan in place rather than deal with the situation when emotions are running high.” 

Making the first move

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With all that being said, once you have developed an office crush, the next thing to tackle is approaching the subject in a respectful manner that won’t compromise your professional relationship if feelings are not reciprocated. 

The expert advised: “If you want to approach someone, you will need to do it the right way. If you go in too strong, then it can lead to a huge rejection and awkwardness that everyone around you will know about.

“It’s better to test the waters by asking if they might like to join you for a coffee or try an activity outside work hours.  Do it in a confident, friendly manner, so it sounds inviting. If they seem keen, you can build slowly from there.” 

He suggested: “If they make excuses, then perhaps that’s a sign that they are not interested or have a partner. Either way, it’s better to find out how they feel than waste time wondering.”

James shared his final thoughts on the matter and added a note of warning: “It’s becoming harder than ever nowadays to meet quality partners. We work more and socialise less. This means that meeting at work can actually be a really good thing as long as you handle it the right way. 

“You get the chance to see how people really are over a long period of time , rather than how they try to impress. Just make sure that your company allows it as some frown heavily on workplace romances.”

Meet the expert

© James Preece

James Preece is one of the UK’s leading dating coaches. He has been working in the industry for over two decades and has helped tens of thousands of men and women worldwide find love, build confidence and improve their relationships. His strategies and advice make sure you know exactly what to do in order to have happy, long lasting and meaningful relationships. He is the host of the ‘Love Machine’ podcast.