Any parent who says they have it sussed is a phoney

Show me a parent who says they have it all sussed and I will show you a phoney. I believe it’s impossible to score 10/10 in this arena. You’d be superhuman not to lose composure when you find your offspring have hoovered up the hamster, drunk the liquid from the loo brush holder or put the car keys down a drain. (Yes, really).

Parenting is big news at the moment. Famously strict head teacher Katherine Birbalsingh has called out the ‘gentle’ method and says we all need to be stricter and more authoritative.

This has led to a backlash from those who believe in the ‘child-led’ approach. Namely, people who follow Phillipa Perry, author of The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read in 2019. Her view is that you treat children as equals, respect their views and work on yourself, not them. 

I read a decent chunk of Philippa’s book and it inspired me to up my game. But I also felt it veered into fantasyland at some points. I’m not sure that you could actually get through a day/remain sane if you implemented all of her suggestions. 

There are scary new statistics from Parentkind showing nearly one in three children refused to go to school at least once last year.  And this is where I think the problem lies. When you have to get them to do something they don’t want to do, but is ultimately good for them. Attend school. Eat a vegetable. Come off their phone/PlayStation and go to bed.

I totally agree you shouldn’t shame a child into ‘behaving’. Nor should you withdraw affection, instil fear or threaten them with violence. It’s much better to reason with them. But what happens when you’ve put forward a compelling argument, and then begged (surely it can’t just be me)? I’ll often resort to the old tactic of: “If you don’t do X, I won’t let you have Y.” Probably not Philippa approved. 

In this situation I do believe in boundaries. And being in charge. We are the adults in the room after all. 

I know some of you will disagree and that’s fine. It’s an emotive subject. Even close friends can have differing views on what’s the right level of discipline (if any at all). There’s also a generational divide with many Boomers horrified by the lack of obedience and accountability displayed by their grandchildren. (“No darling, it doesn’t matter what mummy says you may absolutely not use my White Company bed sheet to build a castle.”)

© Ken McKay/ITV/Shutterstock

Wherever you sit on the parenting spectrum, we are all just finding our way through and the answer, as always, probably lies in the middle. Now where’s that hamster…

What type of parent are you?

You are Victorian if you say…

• I was down a coal mine at your age (or 1970s/80s equivalent).
• Everyone has a mental health issue these days.
• Breastfeeding in public is icky. 
• Children should clear everything off their plate.  

© Getty

You are a gentle parent if you say…

• Co-sleeping is perfectly acceptable till they hit their twenties.
• I’m child-led when it comes to bedtimes and activities. 
• I’m besties with my daughter. 
• Coco Pops for dinner is totally fine.

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