90 Day’s Niles is opening up about the challenges of dating with autism after upsetting Matilda with some of his comments.
In PEOPLE’s exclusive sneak peek at the Nov. 10 episode of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days, Niles is helping Matilda sell plantains for her family’s business when he is confronted by her about a negative comment about her family’s home in Ghana, which he compared to a prison.
The 27-year-old quickly apologizes after his girlfriend explains how hurtful the comment could have been to her mother had she actually heard it.
Matilda then asks if Niles’ response is due to his autism, sparking a conversation that Niles admittedly is “afraid” of having.
“I think Matilda’s starting to understand that autism affects me in a big way, not the least of which is me being forthcoming with the truth,” Niles explains in a confessional. “Even when I know what I’m supposed to do, actually following through is difficult.”
He adds, “This is an example of how dating and relationships, it’s not easy for me. It just isn’t.”
Niles uses the opportunity to talk more with Matilda about “masking,” a coping mechanism in which people with autism act in specific ways to appear neurotypical.
He tells Matilda that he often masks to avoid offending people, but will often be criticized for “lying” while doing so. “When do I tell the truth, and when do I mask?” Niles ponders.
“If it was me, you can say the truth,” Matilda responds. “But you know that when we be going to my family’s place or public place … that one I don’t like.”
Niles says the change likely will not happen overnight, but promised to “try not to mask anymore” around Matilda.
Matilda worries that Niles might leave her because she expressed concerns about his autism and its impact on their relationship.
But, Niles is simply glad Matilda is talking to him about her wants and needs. “I’m glad you’re talking to me,” Niles explains. “Telling me what you want, that’s actually a big relief.”
In a confessional, Niles reveals people have “given up” on him in the past when things got difficult.
Rather than expecting him to improve on his own like others, Niles says, “Matilda is teaching me how I should be treating her, and I’m overjoyed that she’s willing to do that for me.”
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90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days airs Sundays at 8 p.m. ET on TLC.
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