5 mistakes you’re making that are making you unhappy

If you’ve been reading HELLO! for a few years, you’ll know happiness is our thing. Being happy improves our physical health, boosts life longevity and leads to healthier behaviours.

While it’s at the forefront of our minds, according to the 2024 Global Mind Project, the UK ranks as the second-most miserable country in the world, second only to Uzbekistan, with Brits’ stiff upper lip all a-quiver.   

We often think of happiness as something conditional; something we’ll feel once we’ve achieved that promotion at work, found the right relationship or booked that dream holiday.

But what if I were to tell you that happiness doesn’t come from external events? It’s not, in fact, a destination; it’s an inside job?

Whilst it’s true that some people are genetically predisposed to be happier than others, studies have shown that around 60% of happiness levels are influenced by external factors and personal choices.

Our emotional state creates our reality – not the other way around. In other words, we don’t become happy because of what happens to us; we generate happiness from within, and then our world starts reflecting it back.

So, whether you’re the glass-half-full type who sings in the shower, or of a more dour inclination – the good news is that we can all vibe-shift and become a little happier each day.

As a clinical hypnotherapist, I work with clients from all over the world to overcome limiting beliefs and blocks to happiness and success. Here are my top happiness hacks to rewire your brain, course-correcting to a happier life.

1. Feel the feeling first

Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a great mood, good things seem to happen effortlessly? You bump into an old friend, your coffee order gets comped by the barista, work feels easier. That’s not a coincidence—it’s your brain at work.

Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a real experience and an imagined one. When we consciously generate positive emotions, like gratitude, excitement, or joy—we rewire our brain to expect more of the same. This isn’t just ‘positive thinking’, it’s training your brain to shift its default state.

Each morning, before checking your phone or diving into the day, close your eyes and imagine yourself feeling really happy.

Picture a moment where everything feels just right. Tune right in and feel it in your body – what does that happiness feel like? By doing this daily, you condition your brain and body to experience happiness first, which then influences your thoughts, behaviours, and even the way people respond to you.

2. Upgrade your brain’s default mode

Our brains have a built-in negativity bias—it’s why we replay awkward moments from ten years ago at two am or fixate on a single piece of criticism. The trick to rewire our brain is to focus on what’s going right instead.

The benefits of practicing gratitude are endless and the surest way to fast track positive emotional wellbeing. But it doesn’t have to mean momentous occasions. Instead, keep it simple. Every evening, write down three good things that happened that day—no matter how small. Maybe your morning coffee was perfect, a stranger smiled at you, or you finally tackled that to-do list item?

Studies from Dr. Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology, show that this simple daily habit trains your brain to seek out and amplify positive experiences—leading to greater resilience and overall happiness.

3. Speak to yourself like someone you love

We all have an inner voice—the constant internal dialogue in our minds. But is yours helping or hurting you?

Research shows that our brain is always listening to the words we use about ourselves, and it adjusts our emotional state accordingly. If you trash-talk yourself, such as “I’m so bad at this,” or “I’ll never be happy,” your brain hardwires that in as truth. This self-directed language actually changes the brain’s neural pathways.

Using third-person self-talk, for example, “You’ve got this, Anna,” instead of “I’m so stressed,” helps the brain detach from negativity and build emotional resilience.

Mirror neurons in the brain mimic the tone we use—meaning, if we speak to ourselves with kindness, we feel better.

So, when you next catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and reframe: Instead of. “I’m terrible at this,” change the narrative to £I’m still learning, and that’s okay.””

Speak to yourself like you would a best friend or a child—with compassion, encouragement, and belief in your potential. Over time, these small shifts create a brain that’s wired for happiness instead of self-doubt.

4. Stop the dopamine rollercoaster

Dopamine is the brain’s motivation and reward chemical and we obtain little hits of it all day long; a morning coffee, checking our phones, scrolling social media, eating sugar or wine-o-clock. The problem? These quick dopamine fixes spiking constantly cause our brain to seek balance – often by dropping its number of dopamine receptors, eventually diminishing motivation and pleasure of any kind.

Instead of chasing instant gratification, focus on activities that give you a lasting and sustainable sense of achievement. For example, reading a book you love, learning something new, or spending time in deep conversation.

Start your morning with a dopamine reset—no phone, no caffeine, no sugar for the first hour. This helps regulate your brain’s natural reward system, making happiness feel more effortless throughout the day.

5. Connection: the fast track to feeling good

Happiness isn’t just about what we do — it’s about who we do it with. One of the longest-running happiness studies, Harvard’s Grant Study, found that deep, meaningful relationships are the strongest predictor of long-term happiness — more than money, career success, or even health.

As I often advise my clients, this might mean putting your phone down when talking to someone, being fully present in the moment, allowing yourself to give and receive affection or simply scheduling time for in-person catch-ups instead of online – there is a world of difference.

 

Make a habit of telling people what you appreciate about them. A simple text to a friend right now saying, “Hey, I was just thinking of you,” can instantly boost your mood (and theirs).

So, remember; happiness isn’t something we wait for — it’s something we practice. By shifting your focus, rewiring your brain, and making small, intentional choices each day, you can train yourself to experience more joy — no matter what’s happening around you.

Instead of striving to be happy, maybe we should all just try being a little happier?

Find out how to work with Anna and follow her on Instagram.